The holiday season is often framed as a time of joy, celebration and togetherness. Yet for many people, this time of year brings a very different experience. When you’re living with grief, whether the loss is recent or from long ago, the festive season can intensify emotions, unsettle routines and heighten a sense of absence.
At Preparing the Way, we regularly support people who are accompanying someone at the end of life or navigating their own grief. We know that grief doesn’t follow a tidy timeline. It can deepen, soften, return in waves or sit quietly in the background. The holidays can invite comfort, but they can also stir memories, longing and pain. This is normal. And you’re not alone.
Why the holidays can feel especially difficult
Even under ordinary circumstances, the holidays bring changes to routine, expectations and emotional tone. When you’re grieving, these shifts can feel sharper or more demanding.
The pressure to feel cheerful. Cultural narratives tell us we ‘should’ feel joyful at this time of year, creating tension when your inner world feels anything but bright.
Disrupted routines. Grief often feels more manageable when daily rhythms are steady. Holidays can interrupt those rhythms and stir up old emotions.
Memories and milestones. Holidays are filled with traditions, food, music and rituals that trigger strong memories. These reminders can bring comfort, but they can also feel overwhelming.
Social expectations. Invitations, gatherings and the pressure to ‘put on a brave face’ can make people feel stretched or unseen in their grief.
Increased responsibilities for carers. If you’re caring for someone at the end of life, the holiday season may amplify physical and emotional demands.
These experiences aren’t signs that you’re grieving ‘too much’ or ‘not well enough’. They’re human responses to a time of year that carries both weight and meaning.
Giving yourself permission
One of the most compassionate things you can offer yourself is permission. Permission to feel sad, numb, angry, hopeful, connected or uncertain. Permission to cry. Permission to laugh. Permission to step back. Permission to join in.
There’s no emotional landscape you’re expected to maintain during the holidays. You don’t need to match the tone of the people around you. Your grief is part of your story, and your story doesn’t disappear because the calendar has turned to December.
Your grief is valid. There’s no expiry date on missing someone or feeling the ache of change. You don’t need to justify your emotions, and it’s okay if your feelings fluctuate. Moments of peace or enjoyment don’t replace grief; they sit alongside it.
Preparing for the season with intention
Planning ahead can soften some of the pressure:
Consider what you want — and what you don’t. Before the season begins, reflect on what feels supportive and what feels draining. You can choose to participate fully, partially or not at all.
Set gentle boundaries. Let people know your needs. This might mean arriving late, leaving early, skipping an event or asking for quieter time.
Simplify traditions. Rituals can be comforting but also demanding. Consider adapting traditions or choosing one or two meaningful activities rather than trying to do everything.
Make space for remembrance. Lighting a candle, sharing stories, preparing a favourite dish or simply acknowledging the person you miss can be grounding.
Supporting someone who is grieving
If you’re accompanying someone who is grieving, your presence matters more than perfection. You don’t need the ‘right words’; you simply need to be real, kind and attentive.
Ask what they need, not what you assume. Make space for silence; quiet company can be profoundly comforting. Offer practical support like meals, errands or childcare. And include their grief rather than avoiding it. If appropriate, acknowledge the person who has died and validate their memories.
When to seek support
There’s no wrong time to reach out. If your grief feels particularly intense during the holidays, or if you’re caring for someone and feeling stretched, professional support can help you feel held and understood. Consider speaking with your GP, connecting with a counsellor, reaching out to a pastoral carer or joining a bereavement support group.
Lifeline, Beyond Blue, and Griefline in Australia and Lifeline in New Zealand offer support for anyone experiencing grief, loss or trauma.
You are not alone
The holidays can be tender, complicated and demanding. They can hold joy and sorrow at the same time. Whatever this season brings, know that your grief is part of your humanity, and you don’t have to hold it in isolation.
At Preparing the Way, we’re committed to growing end of life literacy and supporting communities with practical, compassionate guidance. Whether you’re grieving, accompanying someone through the end of life or seeking steadier ground amid the season, we hope you find moments of gentleness and connection.