Each year, on 24 July, International Self-Care Day reminds us that tending to our well-being isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. This truth becomes even more profound for those who work in end of life care. Self-care transforms personal maintenance into ethical practice, a way to remain grounded and present while holding space for others in their most vulnerable moments.
At Preparing the Way, we understand that caring for oneself isn’t separate from being an end of life doula; it’s the foundation that makes this precious work sustainable. We asked our community of practitioners, our “Legends,” to share how they nurture themselves through this demanding yet meaningful calling. Practices steeped in reflection, ritual, and deep listening emerged—wisdom born from experience and necessity.
The art of transition: leaving one world, entering another
In end of life work, transitions happen daily. A crucial transition that happens, and we don’t talk about much, is the one that occurs when a doula leaves a client’s space and returns to their own life. This threshold moment, many have discovered, is where intentional self-care begins.
Ann Cox of The Practical Counsellor, based in Victoria, allows “transition space”. She deliberately slows down at the end of each visit, seeking beauty in the garden—a splash of colour, an interesting shape, a memorable scent. “Sometimes I take a photo if something catches my eye,” she said.
Her car has become a sanctuary of transition. Specific music plays or a guided mindfulness track fills the space. This wasn’t always her practice.
“Once in the early days, I left quickly after the client had to go into care permanently; I was so upset that I had to pull over my car,” Ann said. “Now, I always carry a thermos of cold water. I expect the unexpected to occur and no longer get upset.”
Debbie Campbell, a Carer Support Coordinator for Carer Gateway in NSW, emphasises the power of processing.
“The opportunity to offload the impact of whatever it may be that has stayed with me and talk it out with those that understand is vital,” Debbie said. “Taking time out to sit with a cuppa and reflect on what happened and take time to appreciate everything that is good in my life.”
The act of speaking our experiences, she’s found, prevents them from becoming burdens we carry alone.
For Candace Ohanessian, an end of life doula in Victoria and founder of Journease, the transition ritual is deeply spiritual. After a client’s death, she performs a Phowa meditation, a practice found in Buddhism and Hinduism.
“I imagine their body and mind dissolving into the loving energy of their deity, wisdom presence, or simply pure white light,” Candace said. “This disconnects my energy from theirs and symbolically sends them with love onto their next adventure. I always feel peaceful and full of love after completing Phowa.”
This practice of conscious release honours both the client’s journey and her need for energetic boundaries.
Cultivating joy: the radical act of happiness
Self-care isn’t always about recovery from difficult experiences. Sometimes, it’s about choosing joy and cultivating moments of lightness, play, and peace that sustain us through life’s inevitable sorrows.
Barb Zeller, in Victoria, keeps a simple but powerful tool: a “what makes me happy” list on her refrigerator. It’s not aspirational; it’s actionable. The list includes culling (whether it’s her thoughts or a single kitchen drawer), meandering without agenda, contemplating wide horizons, meditating, and standing among big trees. These aren’t indulgences; they are necessities that help Barb stay grounded and present.
Shelley Lawler, in NSW, also has several rituals: a spa or bath, soft candlelight, Pink Floyd on the speakers, a favourite beverage, and watching a sunrise or sunset. But perhaps her most important insight is this: “The ability and strength to know when it’s time to say, ‘I am not available’.”
Mel Halliday, of Heart and Soul Celebrations in NSW, has built her foundation on a daily morning practice that includes yoga, AUM chanting, breathing exercises, meditation, and walks with her dog Zulu. When life feels overwhelming, she uses a simple reset to name five things for which she’s grateful. She discovered that this practice’s power lies in its simplicity and consistency. Her favourite treat? A healing sound journey at the Frequency Lab in Newtown.
“I can lie on a waterbed and go on a healing sound journey to rejuvenate the soul,” she said.
The wisdom of boundaries: rest as responsibility
Many doulas arrive at this work after other careers, often in healthcare or caregiving roles where burnout is endemic. They bring hard-won wisdom: rest isn’t a reward to be earned but a responsibility to be honoured.
Lee Pemberton is a yoga practitioner in NSW who has slowed her pace dramatically.
“I have learned that I can’t spend every day out and about doing things or working,” Lee said. “I need time at home cleaning and tidying my home space, relaxing, reflecting or spending time with my partner and best friend.”
For Lee, self-care is spending time alone, exploring her spirituality, and practising yoga.
Ruth Boydell, of LifeTimes in NSW, admits she once thought she was immune to the need for self-care until she became a carer for her late husband. Now, self-care is non-negotiable. Ruth takes regular breaks from work, and this year, she attended a self-compassion retreat in Sri Lanka. Her practice has also evolved to focus on supporting unpaid carers.
“As a doula, I place a large focus on the unpaid family carers, and look to those carers’ needs when supporting families,” she said.
Pamela Northcote is an end of life doula, celebrant, and Reiki master based in NSW. She admits she’s not great with boundaries. Her challenge? Giving away too much time for free.
“What has surprised me most is that self-care needs to be done with intention and mindfulness, and it helps me to remember how to live,” she said.
Pamela turns to meditation and quiet times to help her reset.
Finding light in the darkness: grief as a teacher
Sometimes, self-care isn’t about replenishment or joy. Sometimes, it’s about survival—finding meaning and presence while navigating the depths of personal grief.
Debbie Wieck in NSW experienced the death of her 20-year-old son Jacob. Her daily practice begins with a simple but profound motto: SMILE—See Miracles In Life Everyday.
“I had to start each day and find my reasons to smile,” she said.
This practice is simultaneously a tribute to her son and a lifeline for herself.
For Bianca Hurle, a Preparing the Way trainer based in Victoria, self-care is vital and transformative.
“This work constantly reminds me that tomorrow is never promised and that each moment is a precious opportunity to pause, to breathe, to be present,” she said. “I’ve learned to hug my loved ones a little tighter, to tell them more often how proud I am and how deeply I love them. Nature has become a sanctuary where I reconnect and reflect, and I’ve come to understand the importance of extending the same compassion to myself that I offer others. I am human too and it’s not only okay to not be okay sometimes, it’s necessary to honour that truth with gentleness.”
The prescription that isn’t: honouring individual paths
There is no universal prescription for self-care in end of life work. Some doulas find their centre through yoga, meditation, or breathwork. Others discover it in music, water, walking, or the simple tea ritual. Many turn to nature as their most excellent teacher.
All, however, share one common thread: awareness.
What unites these practitioners is a commitment to their clients and themselves. They understand that to accompany someone at the end of life, you must also be willing to walk gently with your mortality, needs, and humanity.
This work asks everything of us: emotional presence, physical stamina, spiritual resilience. In return, it offers profound meaning, deep connection, and the privilege of witnessing a precious transition. But this exchange is sustainable only when we learn to care for ourselves with the same tenderness we offer others. As Zen Buddhism teacher Joan Halifax says, “We believe that it takes a strong back and a soft front to face the world.”
An invitation to begin again
On this International Self-Care Day, we honour the doulas who carry this work in their hands and hearts and bodies. We celebrate their wisdom, vulnerability, and commitment to showing up fully for others and themselves.
To our readers, whether you work in end of life care or navigate the challenges of being human, we ask: How do you care for yourself? What practices sustain you? What boundaries do you need to honour?
Today might be the perfect day to begin again. Not because you’ve failed before but because self-care, like life itself, is an ongoing practice of returning to what matters most.
May your care be just as invaluable as the care you offer others.